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How often do we pause, stop and reflect on the lives we're leading? Or on our work? Or on the relationship?

I just did so today, and it was a good one.

Today was Meet-Parents Session. Since the start of my teaching career, I have met several kinds of parents. Some whom I greatly respect, some whom I can't seem to fathom what they are thinking of.

I remember my own Meet-Parents Session when I was in Pri Sch/Sec/JC. Teachers were always full of praise for this little helpful prefect in Pri school. Nothing but praises. But when it comes to JC, my mum was often called down to meet the Home Tutor, and more often than not, the complaint that my mum received was that I was talkative and weak in my Mother Tongue. Those were the days...

Little did I imagine that I would be in my teachers' shoes. Having to inform the parents subtly that their children are not behaving up to expectations. Having to break news to parents that their kids have done something wrong.

That aside, as their English teacher, today I received lots of questions from parents as well, as to why their children's EL marks are slipping. It really made me reflect - is my teaching really that bad that they are faring that badly? Am I such a lousy teacher?

When I first saw my class' results, I was also totally shocked, and perhaps a lil' disgusted, with myself of course. How could my class have produced such results? It MUST be because of me. I MUST be the contributing factor.

Giving myself some credit - I have definitely turned the worst class in the school, into some good souls who did our school proud during their national exams!

Why is this so? Was it due to my frequent absence from school? Was it because I am no longer as motivated? Was it the way I teach? Am I really such a lousy teacher?

So many questions - but I know that the students still need me. I know that I can't serve them for long due to my pregnancy - but my only wish is that I see through my Sec 4s to their O levels. I have so much feelings for them that I really want them to do well. They deserve definitely much more than what I am giving them now.

I really want the best for them - and after much reflection - I know that the problem lies in me. I am losing that zest in teaching - thus perhaps shortchanging the students in return. I know that the June hols will be a good time for me to catch up and reflect.

I will ! I want the best for them !



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